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January 26, 2016

Show me the socks and I’ll show you the man

Dus op een gegeven moment ben je een zelfverklaard sokkenexpert en betrap je jezelf op een zorgvuldig beargumenteerde analyse over een man die drie tafeltjes verderop zit, enkel (geen woordgrapje) gebaseerd op de sokken die hij draagt.

De met zorg uitgebalanceerde rommelaar
Hij zit met zijn benen over elkaar, waarschijnlijk alleen maar omdat zijn outfit zo het beste uitkomt. De hoge gele sokken passen perfect bij zijn bruine ribbroek en het paars geruite houthakkersoverhemd wordt aan zijn broek vastgestrapt door de bijkleurende gele bretels die hij draagt. Hij heeft er vanochtend duidelijk over nagedacht: de hipsterlook die hij ambieert zegt: ‘Met mij kun je lol hebben. Ik neem het niet zo nauw. Maar ik vind het wel belangrijk om goed voor mezelf te zorgen.’

De ‘laat me met rust, ik ben brak’-man
De broekspijp van zijn trainingsbroek zit aan één kant in zijn sok. Het is een vale, verwassen sok die ooit zwart geweest moet zijn. Ik kan hem niet ruiken, maar ik weet zeker dat hij stinkt. Waarom is hij überhaupt naar buiten gegaan?, vraag ik me af, tot zijn identieke vriendengroep aanschuift. De koffie in het studentenhuis is op, dus bestellen ze hier wat.

De ‘all work no play’ bankier
Zijn koffie zit in een kartonnen bekertje, maar dat zegt me minder dan de sokken waarin hij zenuwachtig op en neer balanceert. Als je heel erg scheel kijkt, lijken ze dezelfde kleur te hebben, maar ze horen toch echt bij een andere ooit-zwart-geweest-sok. Het zijn sokken die met een tweede huwelijk bezig zijn en dat is ook precies wat zijn noodlot in petto heeft.

En zo kunnen we nog zeker vijftien verschillende soorten onderscheiden en antropologisch gezien zouden we hier best een interessant verhaal van kunnen maken, ware het niet dat er waarschijnlijk – voor de meeste van ‘onze mannen’ – geen bewuste keuze aan vooraf gaat.

Dus mannen, bij deze een gratis eye-opener: wij vrouwen observeren ons een ongeluk. En als we daarmee klaar zijn bespreken we, met de grootste nauwkeurigheid, ieder geobserveerd detail. Denk daaraan, als je morgenochtend een nieuw bolletje sokken uit je sokkenla trekt!

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